Welcome to day 8 of the turn your life around in 30 days challenge. Today we are going to do something that will help lighten the load of our mental landscape and make moving forward much easier and better.
We are going to mend all broken or idle and scared relationships and begin the process of healing those relationships. In other words… we are going to forgive and allow ourselves to be forgiven. This is not the easiest task in the world. Some of us have people we have wronged, and we have people who have wronged us.
We have people who have “hurt us to the core” and it may be difficult to really forgive them. This actually will hold us back from enjoying more of the success that lies ahead of us. We must full heartedly forgive all people, no matter the wrong they have done to us.
This does not mean you and that person are all of the sudden best of friends… instead it simply means you have let go of the pain they caused you… you have let go of the resentment you had for them… you have forgiven yourself and them.
Perhaps you have a relationship that is sitting idle – you can go engage in it to be sure they don’t have the idea you have abandoned them. The apologies and forgiveness is to go towards all people…
It does not matter… offer them the same apology you would anyone close to you and allow yourself to be forgiven. As long as you make the effort, it will be accepted. The key is to be sincere, and the only way to be sincere is to really come into the general understanding that no one would hurt you consciously know they were doing that. The reason is because in life… what you put out is what you get back. Therefore, no one would with clear understanding hurt you understanding that they are ultimately hurting themselves also.
So forgive and be forgiven and clean out that room of hate, vengeance, and evil in your heart and leave that room completely empty so it is not a burden to move forward.
A good tip to practice this is to do a fake Oprah show… go onto a show where you confront the person that hurt you and describe to them (imaginary them) how they hurt you and let them know you forgive them. This will help you do it with less emotion when you or if you ever get in front of them to do this.
Homework assignment: spiritually forgive… that is do it in your mind. NEXT do it physically by reaching out to those who hurt you and also reaching out to those you hurt and ask to be forgiven.
Tomorrow we’re going to dig a little deeper… in one of the greatest subjects of our physical lives!
Be sure to get on our newsletter and subscribe – also subscribe to our YouTube channel…
Now women and wives, don’t get all up in arms over the title of this post, “Wives don’t declaw your husbands!” The title suggests that sometimes women, and we will call them wives in this article, tend to be very nice towards their boys that they sometimes are meaner to their girls (daughters) but they’re nice to the boys (sons).
What tends to happen is that their father will be tougher on the boys and nicer to his “baby girl.”
When the father is being harsh or an eager disciplinarian to his son or sons, the mother will usually chime in and demand the dad take it easy on the boy(s) to stop him from being so mean to her boys. Now every time that the father gives a command or authoritative suggestion to his sons, when the mother steps in and reverse or waters down what was cased to occur, the mother is figuratively declawing when she makes statements (in the presence of the kids), “don’t be so mean to my boys.”
Wives Don’t Declaw your Husbands
This begins to teach the boys that they have a defense or safety net in their mother. These boys will slowly turn into “mamas-boy(s)” and feel that the father is just a mean ole bad wolf.
First of all, you really do not want your household divided and ran like that. Fathers need to be tough (in a loving, nurturing, and developing way) on all the kids both boys and girls. The wives need to allow the fathers to be fathers to their boys so that they do not grew up being too (how do you say) motherly. This disrupts the family dynamic when the father is being ‘declawed’ because the respect level or the reverence that children should have towards their father will slowly start to dissipate.
Overtime, if this is not corrected or amended or set at the right space, the boys will look at their father only as a “commando” and possibly and most likely lose out on the real relationship they were supposed to have with their dad. Therefore it becomes imperative for the mother to allow the dad to discipline the boys (appropriately), and the dad to use wisdom not to overdo it so that he’s not taking out his anger on them for every single thing.
Kids are kids they’re going to misbehave at times, and it will make parents upset at times. You have to use patience to make the best decisions and discipline with love and not with evil.
The mother-child relationship or the mother-son relationship is a totally different relationship than the father-son relationship, just as the father-daughter relationship is a totally different dynamic than the mother-daughter relationship. Let each relationship flow without interrupting declawing or disassembling things that are going on to keep the family unity and the family contentedness going well at all times. Wives don’t declaw your husband’s, and husbands don’t overdo things to get to the point where you need to be declawed.
When I was in the sixth grade, my family had just moved from Atlanta Georgia to Chicago. I was attending a new school, new environment, and had to meet and acquaint with new friends. As you know when in school at that age you’re prone to run into a few bullies.
Well I ran into three kinds who all turned into buddies of mine (how I did that is later in this article). The weird thing is that these three bullies turn buddies all had three different agendas, and three different methods to their madness.
The first one was a white guy named Tommy C., he was a mental bully. Played tricks on you that were not funny, except to him. Find deceptive ways to trick you out of money or your possessions. This is when I learned that I had to learn how to listen very well.
I had to learn to listen to what people were actually saying, if not they could walk off with my prized possessions. After a few gimmicks by Tommy, I caught on and with Jedi-type mind tricks and power; I started to block his force (haha). I really get a kick out of that because of how easy it was for Tommy to con me. Tommy was a bully that just wanted to take advantage of people.
The second bully was a black guy name Deon M., Deon was a physical bully. He was one of those one and done bullies where he just wanted to establish the relationship he was going to form with you. He would be equivalent to the friend of yours who says to you, “where did you get that silly outfit from,” and then the next day you see him or her with the exact outfit or something very similar.
This led to a big verbal disagreement, which led to a good ole fashion fist fight.
Deon would make fun of me and attempt to threaten me for my lunch or whatever. I caught onto his MO and gave him a taste of his own medicine. This led to a big verbal disagreement, which led to a good ole fashion fist fight. I actually don’t remember the details of the fight (no I didn’t get knocked out), I don’t remember who got the better of the other; but I do know we were inseparable after this altercation.
The last of the three bullies was Corey S., he was another physical bully. He wanted to conquer you if he felt you had any upper edge on him in anything. I started to emerge as a good basketball player, and this began to take the limelight from the stage he was setting up for himself. After this I noticed him threatening to make me a “gang violence” victim. I was constantly picked on by him, even in class in front of the teacher. He is the reason I really feel bad for kids who get bullied because I did not like how I felt around this guy at all.
Selling Bullies and Storytelling
With his type of bullying, I had to actually be prepared to take a butt-whooping for it to stop. That is exactly what I prepared myself to do. I told Corey S. that he needed to cut it out, and of course he gave the famous bully line, “What are you going to do about it.” I replied “do it again and find out.” I was so scared (although I didn’t show it) I would have rather seen a real ghost. He squared up to me and we began to fight. Before I could get into it my older brother was walking down the hall and hemmed up Corey faster than a Dodge Challenger can go from 0 to 60.
My brother was throwing Corey around the hallway like a bear would a human, it was like a ragdoll. Then finally Corey’s brother came down the hall and saw the madness and jumped in to save his brother. Now Corey and his brother were known in the streets, so I worried that even if my brother and I won, we would be the losers because guns and bigger thugs would be invited to the party (both of which my brother and I didn’t have). Well after my brother handles Corey’s brother a few threats were thrown out after the fight, but that was it. My brother, Corey, and Corey’s brother all became one big happy family.
I ended all the bullying because I stood up to all of them by first knowing what my consequences were going to be. I knew that if I stood up to Tommy C., he would further mentally manipulate me, or I’d lose his ‘so-called’ friendship or association. With Deon, I could get beat up and have to endure further fights, and with Corey I could really get beat up (he had stronger physical stature than Deon), and perhaps get killed (all his back up).
You do have to be wise and calculated when facing or standing up to your bully.
I’ve always had a deep feeling in me that I did not like to pick on people, cause trouble, or hassle anyone; so for someone to do it to me really burned my gears. This is why it did not take long for me to make my move against a bully. You do have to be wise and calculated when facing or standing up to your bully. But I think this story will help anyone who is facing a bully. You have to stand up to them and let them know that they will just have to remove you. You can stand up by getting the authorities involved as well (but just know the authorities will always have to be around).
The biggest bully today for most adults is life. Life comes around every month asking for rent money, lunch money, car note money, children money, clothing money, and what do people generally do with this bully? “Here you go Mr. or Mrs. Life, here’s my money, what I have to work overtime, but I haven’t seen my kids in weeks.
What I can’t take a vacation, but my back is killing me. What, I have this disease because of this, okay I will take the prescriptions to nurse it (in my softest voice possible).”
You can do like I did to my childhood bullies, you can stand up to them; you can face life and be prepared for what it is throwing you and throw back or you can keep getting bullied. You can keep missing time with your spouse, your kids, your friends and family that really matter.
You can stand up and tell life, “THAT’S IT, I’m not taking this stuff anymore.” You can tell life to zip it, an you are going to take your life back! Bullies spend time selling you fear, because they missed out on the storytelling. Don’t be bullied by life any more, take your life back right now!